For Pet Owners

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT’S ALSO A TRUE STORY.


The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.


Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are
yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my
food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean that
is suddenly your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
slightest.


The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing
me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
because I fall faster than you can run.


I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure
your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other,
stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to
maximize space that you are taking up, is nothing but sarcasm.


For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by
some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the
same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -
canine/feline attendance is not required.


The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.


Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:


TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:


(1) They live here....you don't.


(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.


That's why they call it “fur”-niture.


(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.


(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who
are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.


Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:


(1) eat less,


(2) don't ask for money all the time,


(3) are easier to train,


(4) normally come when called,


(5) never ask to drive the car,


(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;


(7) don't smoke or drink,


(8) don't want to wear your clothes,


(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,


(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and


(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children......

This may have been posted or seen before - If a repeat please delete and accept my apology - UNEEK

LOVE IT!!! Thanks Uneek!

Catherine --Horizon - Abby Ann -- thanks for the replies - it is no secret how you feel about your family -- My little Queen was coughing a lot this morning and I became a nervous wreck -- She seems to be okay now but if anything happened to her I would be way beyond devastated - there are just no words for what life would be like -

You folks have a Marvelous Monday -- I am making Peach Butter - my first -- I put up about 100 jars of blackberry jam over the 4th -- The peach butter will taste like apple butter but of course will be from peaches - It has already cooked 14 hrs in the crock pot and still not thick enough to put in jars yet - -- I will make peach preserves later this week -- UNEEK Miss Allie -- Miss Daffie -- Miss Queen Ginger

I highly resent some of those remarks! If dinarling77 leaves the table while she's eating, it's fair game. If she closes a door and won't let me in, I am going to raise cain until she opens up. As for the bed, I, like most other cats worth their salt, sleep where I d##mn well want to!

We don't have a stairway, so i will let you slide on that one

One problem with the whole story ... the basic premise that the human owns the pet. Everyone knows it's the other way around .... ESPECIALLY CATS!

Kevind53 wrote:One problem with the whole story ... the basic premise that the human owns the pet. Everyone knows it's the other way around .... ESPECIALLY CATS!

You are a very wise person, Kevind53, and you know your place in the UNIVERSE

Well Kevin53 you have me on that one for sure-- no room for debate - that is the absolute truth with Miss "Queen" Ginger -- She owns me and the other 2 well they have their way 99.999 % of the time -- They have me opening the door for them ha ha I do their laundry and I fix their meals -- lol But oh what a joy to be loved by them -- They rule here --

Now as for the cats -- I cannot say too much -- I have had only one for a short time many years ago -- I attempted to rescue one from 3 vicious territorial dogs and it bit me and I almost lost my arm -- I am not 100 % sure but I think it is the one that is now hanging around between my house and the neighbors and has me putting out food for it and yet will not get very close to show any friendliness - It is the same one I also rescued from a fox about a month ago -

My pets pretty much rule the roost, though the cat seems to be the queen, as for the stairs, my cat actually planned and carried out the ultimate attempt at my life, she ran down ahead of me, crouched and tripped me, I cracked two ribs that day, but realized just who is in charge, the dogs avoid her at all cost, ahhh yes, she is diabolical, and I have to watch my back! As you can see, they have taken over, people think Tasha is the one to fear, but alas, it's the innocent looking feline that should be

Our Malamute is named Tasha. And the Malamute I had before that, was 105 lbs, and did that trick on the stairs. I almost broke my wrist, because I landed on one hand. Boy did that hurt for a while. I am wiser now, and watch to see which way my goofball dog is going to go coming down the stairs, both inside and outside. And why is it that it only happens coming Down the stairs?

PALMER01 wrote:Our Malamute is named Tasha. And the Malamute I had before that, was 105 lbs, and did that trick on the stairs. I almost broke my wrist, because I landed on one hand. Boy did that hurt for a while. I am wiser now, and watch to see which way my goofball dog is going to go coming down the stairs, both inside and outside. And why is it that it only happens coming Down the stairs?

LOL now that is a good question,

PALMER01 wrote: And why is it that it only happens coming Down the stairs?

OK, since y'all are like family, and potential doodoo cabinet members and czars, I'm going to let the "cat out of the bag" so to speak.

The domesticated animal kingdom has an unwritten rule. In order to teach our pets (you) stair safety we must make you fall at least once. Why down the stairs? Well, it is believed to be a more effective training exercise if our pets fall on their face rather than their buttocks. Humans are such vain creatures.....falling on their behind just would not teach them as quickly. It might take several falls on the butt to instill in you the value of stairway safety, but if you mess up your face, once usually is sufficient!

btw for all you bird owners, try it with them. They too adhere to the rule! Let them out of their cages (yummy) and they will dive bomb you only on stair descent.

lizards, snakes, guinea pigs, hamsters, squirrels? Yep them too.

Vote doodoo in 2012 and I will sign an Executive order outlawing the above rule, and making it a FElIny!

bump

horizon wrote: Now the cats are the perfect height to really trip you!!!!! Oh we just got to love our Animals!!!!!

Well put horizon, except for your last sentence....should read

"Oh we just got to love our MASTERS!"

LOL!

Senator DooDoo.

You will have my vote!
I just know that you will make a fine rep in the Senate and will make the Senate a much more transparent place for us all.

And thank you for your explanations.
I will let Mr. Gordon and Cabitt know that you have my vote so they might find it in their furry little heads that I am on their side so they can stop tripping me while carrying anything while walking down the hall. So double thanks!!!!

And, they can have my 'catnip', to add to the tamanian experience of walking down the hallway- Hope you have jeans on-