LETTER TO MY PETS

by **UNEEK** Thu May 24, 2012 12:08 am

Letter to my pets
Dear Dogs and Cats:

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch
positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The
dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are
mine and contain my food. Please note: Placing a paw print in the middle of my
plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do
I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not
designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the
object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can
run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in
a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out
to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but
sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last
time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat
you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine,
meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the
door open. I must exit through
the same door I entered. In addition, I have
been using bathrooms for years -- canine or feline attendance is not
mandatory.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front
door...

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About
Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.

2. If you don't want their
hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it
"fur"niture.)

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most
people.

4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak
clearly.

Lastly, I will try to keep in mind that dogs and cats are better
than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train,
usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using
friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest
fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college,
and if they get pregnant, you can sell the
results.

Sincerely,YOUR OWNER

by **Purpleskyz** Thu May 24, 2012 9:59 am

ahahahahahahahaha

This is very funny uneek!

fur niture. I am still laughing.

Thanks

by SEBtopdog Thu May 24, 2012 3:11 pm

UNEEK said:

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in
a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out
to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but
sarcasm.

I have a confession to make ... I have actually been so smooshed up against my side of the bed that I have gotten up in the night and walked around and gotten in the other side of the bed. This was so not to disturb the doggies who were hogging the bed. And this has happened more than once.

by Catherine Thu May 24, 2012 3:25 pm

You guys are funny!

Come on RV...I want a dog!!

by **UNEEK** Thu May 24, 2012 3:25 pm

Ha Ha Ha - this may be just "one" of the reasons I have always had very small dogs --

Queen Ginger is only about 7 pounds and we do just fine - she sleeps on top of me when we first start out - me on my back and her up on my upper legs - later I turn to my side and she curls up to me just under my neck -- Who ever moves first - (usually her) the other one makes the transition lol

I have accommodated the comfort of my doggies also by NOT moving or disturbing them when they were nesting close to or on top of me -- I love it - do not mind at all !!

I spoon fed one doggie and got during the night to take her outside ( every hour just about) for the last couple years she was with me - would do it again !

Hey -- I forgot to mention that I have a very high bed so have a special 2 step stool at the foot of the bed to aid her in getting on the bed - anything for the "Queen"

by SEBtopdog Thu May 24, 2012 3:36 pm

You are truly a kindred spirit, UNEEK! Loved your doggie stories. It's good to know I'm not alone in my eccentricities.

by pgo Thu May 24, 2012 10:07 pm

I babysat my daughter's dog for a week and after several attempts to keep him off the bed I gave up, and he was good enough to stay at the bottom.

Then one night I rolled over and threw my arm around a form next to me. I jumped out of the bed and was out of my bedroom in a millisecond! Then realized the dog had stretched out full length and was comfortably snoozing while I was tearing out of my bedroom in a panic.

Yep, they do find a way to be comfortable in any home...