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Dear Diary,

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1alaskan
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Dear Diary, Empty Dear Diary,

Post by phantomssecret Thu Sep 29, 2011 8:17 am

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my husband purchased for me a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.
This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.

WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the heck would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other cabbage too.

THURSDAY:
Jerk was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny fanny to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.

FRIDAY:
I hate that bassmaster Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the dang barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..

SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
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Post by learning2win Thu Sep 29, 2011 8:31 am

ROFL... this is just what I needed to start the day. Hysterical !!!!!!!

I sure hope when I can finally afford my personal trainer I don't have that kind of experience... lol

Thanks for the humor,
learning2win Very Happy

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Post by Dr. Linda Thu Sep 29, 2011 8:56 am

I used to be in Pep Club 44 years ago, so I can relate!!! Thanks for such a great post and laughs this morning! Hilarious!!
:queen: lol! lol! lol!
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Post by 1alaskan Thu Sep 29, 2011 9:18 am

I have that same dream, Then I wake up and can barely walk like it really happened.

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Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Marilyn Vos Savant


Yesterday would have been better, but today is a good day

Remember as always, JMHO
Rantings from just north of sixty

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Post by ranchlady Thu Sep 29, 2011 9:26 am

shame I don't like to admit it but I would be in the same condition. That is what makes it so funny. I can relate. You have a fantastic day Laughing ⭐

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Post by Ponee Sat Mar 10, 2012 11:00 am

A good example of situational perspective

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Post by Cabo Sat Mar 10, 2012 11:47 am

phantomssecret


What a great post as I am still LMAO while typing this..

What a way to start the day..

Thanks...I needed that!

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Post by Kevind53 Sat Mar 10, 2012 4:10 pm

lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao lmao

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Trust but Verify --- R Reagan Suspect

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."1 Thessalonians 5:14–18

 Dear Diary, 2805820865  Dear Diary, 2805820865  Dear Diary, 2805820865  Dear Diary, 2805820865
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