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A special message from GRAMMA --Hope this might give you a reminder for now. Old info but good to review! DinarDailyUpdates?bg=330099&fg=FFFFFF&anim=1

A special message from GRAMMA --Hope this might give you a reminder for now. Old info but good to review!

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A special message from GRAMMA --Hope this might give you a reminder for now. Old info but good to review! Empty A special message from GRAMMA --Hope this might give you a reminder for now. Old info but good to review!

Post by Ponee Sun Jun 14, 2015 6:59 pm

As we progress into 2015, I want to thank you for
your educational e-mails over the past year. I am
totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I can no longer open a bathroom door
without using
a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in
my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on
the lemon peel.

I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread
because I can
only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands
with someone who has been
driving because the number one pastime while driving alone
is picking one's nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because
I
can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have
consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's handbag
for fear she has placed
it on the floor of a public toilet.

I must send my special thanks
for the email about rat poo
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet
sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO,
now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for
the same reason.

I can't have a drink in a bar
because I fear I'll wake up
in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I can't eat at KFC
because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants
even though I smell
like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you
I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish
within five minutes.

Because of your concern,
I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy
fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,
   so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer use Cling Wrap
in the microwave because it causes
seven different types of cancer.

And thanks for letting me know
I can't boil a cup of water
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face,
disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the cinema
because I could be pricked with a
needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.

I no longer go to shopping centers
because someone will drug
me with a perfume sample and rob me..

And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with
calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..

Thanks to you
I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a
big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me
instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice
I can't ever pick up a
dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably
placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.

I can't do any gardening
because I'm afraid I'll get bitten
by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land
on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the
fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you
to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's
beautician!

 

Oh, and by the way...

 

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study,
has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity
read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

 

 

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

 

 

P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because
I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out
of the toilet..
 

NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY!




Last edited by Ponee on Mon Jun 15, 2015 10:54 am; edited 1 time in total

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A special message from GRAMMA --Hope this might give you a reminder for now. Old info but good to review! Empty Re: A special message from GRAMMA --Hope this might give you a reminder for now. Old info but good to review!

Post by chilimama Mon Jun 15, 2015 9:55 am

A special message from GRAMMA --Hope this might give you a reminder for now. Old info but good to review! 3508649203 A special message from GRAMMA --Hope this might give you a reminder for now. Old info but good to review! 3508649203 A special message from GRAMMA --Hope this might give you a reminder for now. Old info but good to review! 3508649203 A special message from GRAMMA --Hope this might give you a reminder for now. Old info but good to review! 3508649203

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Leadership is a potent combination of strategy and character. But if you must be without one, be without the strategy. - Norman Schwarzkopf, Jr.
chilimama
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Posts : 1482
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Age : 46
Location : Texas

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