A Handy Guide on WHERE TO RETIRE...

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
7. You can drive for 150 miles and never leave the burned-out area!

OR
You can retire to California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR
You can retire to New York City where...
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ..
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note if you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

OR
You can retire to Minnesota where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

OR
You can retire to the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference.

OR
You can retire to Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

OR
You can retire to the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

OR
FINALLY You can retire to Florida where.
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

No offence to anyone, just a giggle and a titter or 2! :geek:

I'm staying in the Pacific North West!!

Always wanted a lakefront property. Table RocK Lake in the Branson, MO area is calling me!!!

Cute....there is nothing like the midwest. Small towns, not much crime, if you don't like the weather wait 5 mins, everyone waves as you drive down the highway, just plain 'mostly' friendly people. GOD'S COUNTRY....AHHHH

LOL..... Great Stuff.....

I enjoyed that, TheBeav...

GREAT job... :cheers:

Loved Florida that is where I want to be..tired of the rain. Perhaps even further, Costa Rica, Panama, Belize or Ecuador...split my time with a few of these places.

Thanks Beav - I enjoyed your post - very funny. Very true

Thanks for the information very informative, I look forward to making a good decision for my retirement :cheers:

Thanks for the post! It was really funny! Nice to have fun while we wait!!

I STILL LIKE FOXY ROXY'S IDEA OF BUYING AN ISLAND AND NAMING IT " DINARI ISLAND ".........

Costa Rica Before moving , find out where the septic goes. ( watch where you swim ). Can you handle the double standards of the police or shopping ? Something to think about. I just moved back after a 1 1/2 years living there.

Reed..you are right as we visited and found cars double in price ..no whipping cream (we love in coffee) and a bunch of things that did not sit right. Therefore we would check other places abroad. Thank you for your post.

Italy.... Great food, great wine, and great shoes!!

you forgot something..heard good looking men as well?

How about.....Australia.........that sounds pretty good.

There is a magazine called international living that I enjoy. Mostly ex patriots (expats) seeking lower health care costs, lower housing costs, and not only for the elderly retired.

I'm with the Beav I'm in love with southwest Missouri. Hunting and fishing, Kayaking, boating Rock climbing and all outdoor activities Illinois just Ain't got close.

There's no place like home---TEXAS!!!

Where else could I travel 4 hours, never having left the State, and then see a sign that says "El Paso-586 miles"? (I was just happy I wasn't goin' to El Paso!)

Sun, surf, mountains (they might really only be BIG hills!), piney woods, desert, and, where I live, winter that usually lasts 2-3 days! Also, if you don't like the weather, just wait, it will change in a heartbeat!

Big City, Country, or anything in between and WOW, Texas men, and yes women, are beautiful people, inside and out!

Oh yeah, they really did need killin'! REMEMBER THE ALAMO! (Attempting to be politically correct, no offence in this time line for our proud Texas past!)
(I also use all 3 of my names, proudly!)

I want warmth and sunny and happy

Send me there please

Texas Fire Lady wrote:There's no place like home---TEXAS!!!

Where else could I travel 4 hours, never having left the State, and then see a sign that says "El Paso-586 miles"? (I was just happy I wasn't goin' to El Paso!)

Sun, surf, mountains (they might really only be BIG hills!), piney woods, desert, and, where I live, winter that usually lasts 2-3 days! Also, if you don't like the weather, just wait, it will change in a heartbeat!

Big City, Country, or anything in between and WOW, Texas men, and yes women, are beautiful people, inside and out!

Oh yeah, they really did need killin'! REMEMBER THE ALAMO! (Attempting to be politically correct, no offence in this time line for our proud Texas past!)
(I also use all 3 of my names, proudly!)

ALASKA I LIVE THERE

I vote for Costa Rica & Belize!! Yep Yep Yep!! :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:

That was great!

Seen some of them b-4 but thanks for the hoots!

BTW...Phoenix situation is Right On!

Interesting, thanks. But i need the RV to retire lol

WHICH IS CLOSER?? EL PASO TO TEXARKANA OR EL PASO TO LOS ANGLES>>??
I THINK IT IS EL PASO TO LOS ANGLES..

BURNS

I want to be a snowbird and go to a place called St George Utah.

Gonna buy a boat to live on. Thought about naming it " 'Nuff said" but decided to name it "Tomorrow" instead.

I am headed to the Bahamas! Where the white sandy beaches are flooded with conch:sunny:

anybody been to geneva switzerland.that lake is gorgeous and the mountains all around keep the really cold weather away.uh oh i forgot they're trying to keep it a secret!

I already live in paradise in Hawaii. So I am going to buy acreage and put a Bali style prefabricated house on it ( low maintenance). Everything will be on Solar and filtered water catchment system. A lot cheaper than buying someone else house. I am going to keep my car and pay it off and buy a used 4WD truck. If you want to get to the really private beaches you have to have a truck.
Only 2 things: Food is expensive and so is gas. But other than that, it is perfect.
Since I am a single female, so for security purposes, I am going to hide a lot of information from people, all of them. TOO many scammers that will do and say anything to get your money. ALL OF THEM!!!

Things I am NOT going to DO: Buy anything I cannot maintain. No flashy diamond jewelry, designer purses; etc, etc....I am already stuck with a flashy car my late hubby bought and I am still paying for it!

I will put my car in the garage and ride my bicycle everywhere, I will bus tables part time for the fun of it to see who really likes me for me.
No one will be aloud to "come over" or "visit". That way if they know I work they wont ask about money, cause when they see me busing tables they will know my source of income is from a restaurant.
I will take some college courses and look like the poor college student that buses tables.
LOL... then when I get sick of it all,I will quit my job, drop out of college and I will sail off to Tahiti.
But seriously, I am laying low.....REALLY LOW! Hawaiians can smell a rich haole a mile away!
Aloha

rnbentley wrote:I want to be a snowbird and go to a place called St George Utah.

Whoa! St, George is hot in the summer and cold in the winter. Visit first!

Leliu5th wrote:I already live in paradise in Hawaii. So I am going to buy acreage and put a Bali style prefabricated house on it ( low maintenance). Everything will be on Solar and filtered water catchment system. A lot cheaper than buying someone else house. I am going to keep my car and pay it off and buy a used 4WD truck. If you want to get to the really private beaches you have to have a truck.
Only 2 things: Food is expensive and so is gas. But other than that, it is perfect.
Since I am a single female, so for security purposes, I am going to hide a lot of information from people, all of them. TOO many scammers that will do and say anything to get your money. ALL OF THEM!!!

Things I am NOT going to DO: Buy anything I cannot maintain. No flashy diamond jewelry, designer purses; etc, etc....I am already stuck with a flashy car my late hubby bought and I am still paying for it!

I will put my car in the garage and ride my bicycle everywhere, I will bus tables part time for the fun of it to see who really likes me for me.
No one will be aloud to "come over" or "visit". That way if they know I work they wont ask about money, cause when they see me busing tables they will know my source of income is from a restaurant.
I will take some college courses and look like the poor college student that buses tables.
LOL... then when I get sick of it all,I will quit my job, drop out of college and I will sail off to Tahiti.
But seriously, I am laying low.....REALLY LOW! Hawaiians can smell a rich haole a mile away!
Aloha

I really enjoyed this post,good on you 8)

Right on DinarStar!

Mahalo

I'm not totally sure where to retire. I am 100% that you will not retire in Illinois. Hardly a day goes by without one poll or another confirming that Illinois is not the place to move to.

There are a number of exotic places I have considered,
Ecuador,Uruguay,St Kitts and Nevis,Seychelles..Australia is also beautiful,but when I really come down to it,I am thinking maybe Africa or Eastern Europe.
I have immediate family in Zimbabwe and South Africa,as well as Ukraine,and others in the USA,Armenia,Portugal,Russia and the UK.
I have not seen my immediate family in over 8 years,so first port of call will be Africa and Ukraine,then,who knows?

Both my wife and I(who is included in the family I have not seen) fortunately agree that it will be best for all our immediate family to share in this RV,as opposed to just us being fairly wealthy.We also want to support one or two orphanages in Kremenchug,Ukraine(where my wife lives),so it would be prudent perhaps to do this in a hands-on fashion,therefore I imagine that Ukraine winters would be spent in Africa,and African winters in Ukraine.

For us,we do not need a lot of fancy stuff,even though I joke about this on a regular basis.
Should our family and some other needy folk I know benefit from our RV,that will be rewarding in itself.

I wonder how many different nationalities are members of this site,perhaps someone should start a thread about that....anyone?

I know a guy who went to live in Costa Rica a few months ago,he came back.I cannot say exactly what the problems were,he did not go into it,but he said he would not return.
I do not know too much about Mexico,is it safe down there?

Dinarstar,

Costa Rica - let's say you were going a little over the speed limit... Instead of a warning or a ticket from someone who knew the locals, you may have to pay $700. - like right away or maybe end up in jail... My brother wanted us to move there and then he dug in deep and changed his mind real fast...

"I do not know too much about Mexico,is it safe down there?" I would come back and ask you if it is safe anywhere? We wouldn't even begin to think of going into L.A. during the daytime or nighttime. We wouldn't consider going to East Palo Alto, Ca. anytime. The cops don't even go in there. You get the picture... We learned to stay in at night... People of the light if you know what I mean.

We were in Mexico last August. In the night we were walking around looking for a particular bed and breakfast. We passed children walking around - nice very polite children who spoke to us politely wishing us a good night. Single woman walking home or where ever at night, etc.

The secret to living a GREAT life in Mexico is not to go there flashing money around. Look poor to medicore.. Just act normal and dress like the rest around you... and, go to a good part that is full of Gringo's and you'll love it... The Mexican people love the Gringo's and you will love them back in short order. Just like any other country there are area's where you wouldn't hang out, same as Mexico... Don't know where the "bad" areas would be but I wouldn't move near the borders on either side - never...

We are going to take everyones advise and not buy Bentley's, etc. and look like money even though we all should have it. Life is just better that way. Trying to make others jealous is not a good idea today no matter where you are...

Thanks for that PepP
I have not looked at Mexico and only get to hear the bad stuff on the news.
There are good and bad spots everywhere,I know..I live in Vegas but seriously,if anyone wants trouble,anywhere in the world,just start flashing bling and Bentleys as you say,that is a quick step into problem-city.

I might consider dual citizenship with Uruguay...nice european country..nice climate, good rain patterns...keep all my holdings in U.S. and visit back and forth as I choose..Pick up some farmland in U.S. and Uruguay as long term investments. Nothing too fancy, when it comes to cars and homes.Take a few "tours" around the globe..Sight-see and enjoy!!! Even with martial law, Nothing beats the Good OLE United States Of America...