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Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility

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Post by Kevind53 Wed Dec 05, 2012 7:59 pm

Calling in sick to work makes me
uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that
my boss thinks I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth
was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head
injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I
reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my
head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes
to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.

Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife,
Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.'

'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower pitter-patter
and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'

'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and stinks me in?'

There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.'

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged
nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely
cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the
button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it
wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our
new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging
between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I
reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable,
she leapt at the toys I had unwittingly offered and snagged them with her
needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements,
blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten
hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight' syndrome. Men, in
this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this from experience.
I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and
forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on
the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of 'been-there, done-that'
paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all
snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to
suppress their hysterical laughter... and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to
the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my
head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it
was.

'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'

If they only knew!



_______________________________________________________
Look for more jokes at
www.RonDianeTyler.com/jokes.aspx Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility Transparent

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 Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility 2805820865  Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility 2805820865  Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility 2805820865  Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility 2805820865
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Post by Terbo56 Wed Dec 05, 2012 8:56 pm

Did the guy's name happen to be Claude Bawls?Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility 3508649203
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Post by Guest Wed Dec 05, 2012 11:08 pm

OMG, OMG, OMG!

Kevind53, that is the funniest thing I've heard in a very long time! Thanks for the laughs and tears in my eyes.


lmao lmao lmao Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility 21820466 Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility 3508649203 lmao lmao lmao

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Post by Guest Wed Dec 05, 2012 11:12 pm

@terbo56 wrote:Did the guy's name happen to be Claude Bawls?Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility 3508649203

Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility 3508649203 How do you come up with these things, Terbo56? Lordy!

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Post by Guest Wed Dec 05, 2012 11:18 pm

Oh, god, I just read it again and I cannot stop laughing and sputtering.

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Post by Terbo56 Thu Dec 06, 2012 9:04 am

Aim88- I really don't know- Just happens, I guess-Please don't 'bawl' me out!Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility 3508649203Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility 2834342768
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Post by doodoo Thu Dec 06, 2012 10:45 am

HAHAHA! Good job, little kitty, you have now established the pecking order in your new home! You ARE the master, and that guy running around with the bandaged up jewels and head is your slave. If he gets out of line, he knows what the punishment will be, only next time you may aim a little higher and strike an even more lethal blow to his snake. Now go give your little kitty some caviar, knave!

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Post by Kevind53 Thu Dec 06, 2012 10:54 am

Many moons ago something similar happened to me ... it was a drive by hit in the bathroom. Revenge however can be very sweet when served up cold ... This kitty had a fatal flaw, he liked to look at moving water. Not long after, I was running a tub for the kids, and he jumped up on the edge to watch. I helped him get a closer look, much closer. He did his best to walk on water and failed ... and since the tub had walls on three sides, he failed several times before finally streaking out of the bathroom leaving a trail of water and suds behind. I laughed my hind quarter off!

Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility Wet-cat

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Post by doodoo Thu Dec 06, 2012 2:45 pm

That's not a cat! It's a Gremlin kinda like this one:

Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility AMC_Gremlin_Parked_00016777

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Post by SEBtopdog Thu Dec 06, 2012 7:41 pm

Was that the end of the tail (so to speak), Kevin? Usually, kitties will bide their time until they can one up you and extract revenge. My cat Fanny used to pee in my ex-husband's shoes. Trust me.....he had it coming, a fact he freely acknowledges today.

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Post by Kevind53 Thu Dec 06, 2012 8:06 pm

We called it even, cat recognized that it was unwise to mess with a brilliantly twisted and deeply warped mind such as mine. Twisted Evil

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Post by SEBtopdog Thu Dec 06, 2012 8:15 pm

A truce was prudent for all. Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility 4217585487

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Post by Horizon Fri Dec 07, 2012 9:13 am

Thanks Kevin for the laugh....I needed that!!!! Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility 3508649203

Kinda reminds me of the time my x-husband came home from work, tired after working 12 hours, took a shower, and hit the bed. He was on his back and had no cover over him, and no clothes! Well I was in the front of the house and heard a horrible yell....racing to the bedroom I passed the cat running....yes, the cat had pounced on him and woke him up from a dead sleep, in much pain I must say!!!! Same spot as mentioned above!!!!

I must give some advice, when a cat is attached with teeth or claws....do not jerk away, it will cause much more pain, scraches, and blood! At least I didn't have to call the paramedics!!!!Laughing

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Post by SEBtopdog Fri Dec 07, 2012 2:15 pm

Hmmmmm. This appears to be a trend. Do you think young cats are schooled in this particular act of domestic terrorism? Should we alert Homeland Security?Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility 949729897

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Post by Kevind53 Fri Dec 07, 2012 5:50 pm

Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility Ugly-c10

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Post by UNEEK Sat Dec 08, 2012 9:54 am

KEVIN ---- GREAT STORY !!

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Post by doodoo Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:05 pm

AH, Kevin, I see you found a pic of my great uncle ButtUgly!

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Post by Kevind53 Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:37 pm

Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility Funny-21

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Post by SEBtopdog Mon Dec 10, 2012 1:32 pm

Kevin, you are finding the BEST Christmas stuff (in this thread and others)! Lovin' it! Thanks. Calling in Sick, A Lesson in Humility 3703844895

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Post by Terbo56 Mon Dec 10, 2012 1:45 pm

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Post by fang2 Mon Dec 10, 2012 7:44 pm

That also reminds me the time I was about to feed my kitty's and they acted like a conveyer belt and catapalted me across the room and My head hit the corner of a chinese chest that I keep my printer on. The impact was so strong that it knocked me out . I hit my head on my temple, so I am very lucky to be alive and so are the kitty's ! LOL
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Post by SEBtopdog Mon Dec 10, 2012 8:27 pm

@fang2 wrote:That also reminds me the time I was about to feed my kitty's and they acted like a conveyer belt and catapalted me across the room and My head hit the corner of a chinese chest that I keep my printer on. The impact was so strong that it knocked me out . I hit my head on my temple, so I am very lucky to be alive and so are the kitty's ! LOL

Yikes!!!!!!! affraid That's a scary one, fang2! So glad you're OK.

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